Picture this: Your friend is sitting opposite you- hair up, makeup on and an outfit you could only fit into ten years ago. There you are in two-day-old tights and a top that has a mysterious stain on it (most likely whatever the kids had for breakfast). Hair is up in the same style it has been since you forgot what free time was and who the hell has time for makeup?
Then you feel that stomach rolling, heart pumping feeling you only get when you’re under a judgemental gaze.
‘Who can blame her?’ You tell yourself as you spiral into a slump of self-consciousness.
Now, who can spot the issues in this little scenario?
The first problem is the judgement from your seemingly put together friend, if there even is any. Often when we judge ourselves harshly we believe that others will too- which is completely untrue. If they are judging you, this person needs to learn to be accepting. They must understand who you are and why you do the things that you do. In addition, most judgments are made by those who don’t have all the facts, so if you are the judgemental friend, just ask so that you may understand. The best friendships are between people who don’t judge each other.
The second problem is the way you see yourself. This other friend is richer or younger or prettier. They still have problems of their own- everyone has issues. It’s too easy to judge ourselves on things beyond our control. You need to change your mindset- catch yourself sinking into negativity and translate it into compliments.
So ‘I’m so unorganised and messy’ becomes ‘You’re so put-together!’
‘My clothes are so old’ becomes ‘where do you get your clothes? I love that top’
‘Reading this makes me realise how judgemental I am’ becomes ‘Wow, this is such a good blog post!’